8. Meneer de klimgeit

Dit is wederom zo een verhaal die goed was, mooi had kunnen zijn maar soms kom je iemand tegen op het verkeerde moment.

Deze man was trouwens wederom West Fries want daar heb ik een neusje voor.  Hij had als hobby klimmen en was niet zo bezig met gamen of geeky stuff. Een compleet andere wereld.

Hij kwam uit een zeer lange relatie, zat in het proces van scheiden en had twee jonge kinderen.

We spraken via de app en hij liet mij enorm lachen . Toen hij aankwam na zijn verhaal (oa dat ik het eerste meisje was met wie hij wat af wilde spreken na zijn huwelijk)  met “Je bent nog steeds niet weggerend, dus dan verwacht ik je bij de bowlingbaan om half 9” had ik een glimlach op mijn gezicht. Ik houd wel van een assertieve man.   Ik was dan ook hartstikke game.

We hebben gepraat en behoorlijk veel gelachen. Het bowlen ging voor mij doen best goed, we wonnen zelfs lollies. Daarnaast deed deze man iets wat ik zeer aantrekkelijk vind, iets wat hij zelf niet eens doorheeft. Hij gaf mij het gevoel dat hij trots was om met mij op date te zijn.  Na het bowlen toen ik mijn laarzen aan had getrokken en mijn tas oppakte, pakte hij direct mijn bowling schoenen op om die voor mij terug te brengen. Heel galant 

We kwamen een vriend van hem tegen op de bowlingbaan. Deze vriend vroeg aan hem of hij op date was en zijn antwoord was gewoon “Ja”. Vervolgens in plaats van zich snel met een “we spreken snel” uit de voeten te maken (wat ik kan begrijpen op een eerste date) riep hij mij en stelde mij voor aan zijn vriend en maakte een praatje over het bowlen waarin hij mij betrok. 

Hierna besloten we nog wat te drinken en omdat ik het leuk vind tijdens het drinken een activiteit te doen, stelde ik het Spellenhuis voor. Jenga en bier is mijn gouden combinatie. Dit is iets wat je vaker zult lezen trouwens omdat ik dat echt een leuk date idee vind.  Toen deze sloot om 12 uur, bracht hij mij naar huis en onderweg zaten we beide nog vol verhalen.

Kortom er was een klik en we hadden het gezellig. 

Nadat hij mij thuis had afgezet bedankte ik hem voor de leuke avond en ging hij weer richting huis. We hebben nog een aantal dagen gepraat tussen de feestdagen door en er stond een tweede date op de planning.

Vervolgens werd het weer een stuk stiller en kreeg ik het bekende onderbuikgevoel. Er zat iets niet goed. Ik kon mijn vinger er nog niet opleggen maar meestal openbaart het zich vanzelf wel.

Ik kreeg een vaag berichtje en vroeg of hij toevallig wilde bellen, dat dit wat duidelijker zou zijn. Toen kwam het hoge woord eruit. Hij kon nog niet daten. 

Het was allemaal te vers en hij was er niet aan toe. Hij moest aan zichzelf werken. Hij had het enorm naar zijn zin gehad en dat heeft hem aan het denken gezet. Toen kwamen de feestdagen eroverheen en die waren zwaarder dan hij had verwacht.

Dit waardeerde ik enorm. Ik snap namelijk waar hij doorheen ging. Ik ben er ook doorheen gegaan. “De eerste keren” zonder je partner die er altijd was. Dat zijn lastige bezinningsmomenten waarin je jezelf leert kennen.

Voordat ik Jelle leerde kennen heb ik een aantal weken gedate met een man die net uit een huwelijk kwam van 10 jaar. Na die weken inclusief zelfs een weekend Gent, kwam ik erachter dat ik puur een “rebound” moment was voor die man. Dat heeft mij destijds pijn gedaan. Dat is een verhaal wat ik verder voor mijzelf houd.

Het is wel een reden dat ik al eerder huiverig riep tegen deze man; “Ik ben toch niet je eerste date na al die lange relatie?”

Dus een man die erkent nog niet klaar te zijn, naar zichzelf kijkt en hiermee zenuwachtig aan komt zetten heeft een goed hart.

We hebben hier lang over gepraat hij vroeg aarzelend of ik zijn nummer zou verwijderen. Ik vertelde hem dat zodra hij dacht er klaar voor te zijn hij mij altijd een berichtje kon sturen. Mocht ik op dat moment geen relatie hebben zou ik graag nog eens met hem afspreken als hij er aan toe is, niet eerder.

Uiteraard vond ik het niet leuk. Deze man is aardig, laat mij lachen en we hebben duidelijk een klik. Alleen als iemand er niet aan toe is dan moet je die persoon ruimte geven. Iemand moet gelukkig zijn met zichzelf voor dat iemand zich kan geven aan een ander. Je kunt niet schenken uit een lege kan.

Hij stond nu niet voor open voor daten en wilde eerlijk zijn hierin. Liever een echte kans als hij er wel aan toe zou zijn dan iemand gebruiken of iets verpesten door een verkeerde mindset.

Dit is eerlijk. Dit is duidelijk. Goede mannen bestaan dus wel.

Dat geeft mij hoop. Ik weet hoe lang het kan duren voordat iemand echt over zo een lange relatie is. Ik ga dan ook niet zitten wachten op iets wat misschien niet komt. Ik wens deze man al het geluk toe van de wereld. Hij is oprecht een goed mens.  Hij weet mij te vinden als hij er aantoe is.

Next…

 Een man moet klaar zijn om in een nieuwe relatie te stappen. 

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