6. Meneer de Ondernemer

Soms loop je echt een douchebag tegen het lijf.  Mannen waardoor je direct even klaar met mensen bent. Dit was zo een moment tijdens mijn date avontuur. Laat ik hem maar gewoon delen, we zijn toch lekker op dreef.

Deze man is succesvol ondernemer en werkt puur alleen nog omdat hij zijn baan leuk vind. Kinderen en een gin drinker in de 40.

Deze man nodigde mij uit voor een avondje gin proeven en daar heeft deze vrouw geen bezwaar tegen. Naast whisky kan ik een goede gin waarderen. Plus dat is een origineel date idee en dat kan ik waarderen. 

We hebben de hele avond gepraat over het leven, vol in de filosofische modus.  Wat willen we in dit leven, wat hebben we geleerd, wat drijft een mens en ga maar door.  Wie ben jij als mens, wie ben ik? De gin bleef komen en uiteindelijk ben ik blijven slapen.  De beste man was een heer de volgende ochtend en heeft zelfs heel galant bij een hotel voor mij koffie gehaald omdat hij geen koffie meer in huis had terwijl ik stond te douchen . Haalde broodjes bij de bakker, beleg bij de slager en heeft mij vrij luxe naar huis laten brengen.Alles erop en eraan.

Klikt allemaal goed toch? Ik was ook oprecht onder de indruk, hoe verzorgend deze man overkwam. Een echte heer.

Daarna hoorde ik niets wat ik vreemd vond, dus nam ik contact met hem op. Hier reageerde hij verbaasd op. Hij had niet verwacht mij ooit nog te spreken. Toen ik hem vroeg waar dit idee vandaan kwam kreeg ik een antwoord waar mijn nekharen van overeind gingen staan.

Ik kreeg te horen dat het niets zou worden tussen ons want “onze levensstijlen zijn te verschillend”

Hij zit in een luxe wereld waarin hij nu veel kan reizen, hij werkt puur omdat hij het leuk vind en niet omdat het nodig is. Zijn bedrijf zit wereldwijd ondertussen.  Ik zit met de twee meisjes, werkende in de zorg in een klein huur appartement. Ik zat als het ware op een ander niveau.

Hij ging ervan uit dat we gewoon een ONS (one night stand) deden, dat dit duidelijk was bij beide partijen en dat was het wel. Hij vond het vervelend dat hij zijn intenties niet helder bij mij waren overgekomen maar we hadden best wat gin op. Fijn leven verder.

Laat die even op je inwerken. 

Ik had namelijk even een momentje nodig. Niet alleen voelde ik mijzelf goedkoop maar ook was ik even diep beledigd. Triggered.

Niemand is beter of van een ander niveau door welgesteldheid. Je bent nog steeds mens en in dit geval; een naar mens ook.

Je wist namelijk al hoe mijn leven eruit zag voordat ik met je op date ging. Je wist wat ik voor een werk deed en gaf zelfs aan dit een mooi beroep te vinden. Je had ook je intenties kunnen melden van te voren. Ik heb je namelijk gemeld van te voren dat ik niet aan een one night stands deed, dat dit niet mijn stijl was. Simpel gezegd; dan waren we niet op date gegaan.

Was die intentie er niet van te voren maar kwam hij tijdens die avond na onze gesprekken en wat drank wederom, je wist hoe ik erin stond. Wees helder, had nogmaals je intentie kenbaar gemaakt. Dan had ik niet bij je blijven slapen. Dan had ik je een hand gegeven, je bedankt voor de leuke avond, je een prettig leven toegewenst en dan zou ik gewoon lekker naar huis zijn gegaan. Je wist dit allemaal en toch liet je het zo lopen.  Geld hebben betekend niet meteen klasse bezitten al kan je de ochtend erop nog zo een heer zijn. Al kan ik niet ontkennen dat hoe ik erna behandeld ben wel degelijk netjes is.

Voor de mensen die denken “een andere levensstijl  kan ook anders worden opgevat” 1. zo bedoelde deze man het niet. 2. Laten we die voor de fun ook even onder handen nemen. Want stel je voor dat hij dit wel zou bedoelen. Advocaat van de duivel.

Om te beginnen, ik heb niet doorgevraagd. Ik was op dat moment te verbaasd over de situatie. Sterker nog, ik heb deze man bedankt voor zijn eerlijkheid en hem verder succes gewenst in het leven. Ik heb hem trouwens wel degelijk aangegeven dat hij in het vervolg duidelijker moet zijn met zijn intenties.

Wederom ik persoonlijk ben niet op zoek naar een ONS. Zou ik dat wel zijn dan zou ik dat op zijn minst duidelijk melden om dit soort onzin te voorkomen. Mocht ik al trouwens op een ONS date zijn ga ik niet met je in gesprek over mijn kinderen of over mijn leven verder. Doe het dan zo anoniem mogelijk maar misschien ben ik daar raar in.

Even terug naar zijn opmerking. Wat maakt het uit of we beide een andere levensstijl hebben? Ik sta hier heel anders in. Als het klikt dan maak je het wel werkend. Het is een keuze. Het is in mijn optiek altijd een poging waard om te kijken waar je uitkomt. Mensen uit twee verschillende werelden kunnen prima een toekomst hebben. Het gaat om jou als mens in het hier en in het nu. Het gaat om de connectie die twee mensen maken. 

Daarnaast ik ben een alleenstaande moeder. Er zullen niet veel mannen zijn die mijn leven hebben. Dus volgens die redenatie zal iedere man met wie ik date een andere stijl van leven hebben. Dan zou de zin “We hebben compleet andere levensstijlen” door iedere man gebruikt kunnen worden. Het is een makkelijk excuus. Mocht ik deze ooit nog eens op mijn bordje krijgen zal dit ook mijn antwoord zijn.

Hij kan inderdaad die opmerking anders bedoeld hebben. Hij kan prima denken dat hij wel degelijk zijn intenties duidelijk had gemaakt, denken dat ik op dat moment ermee in stemde. Laten we daar eens vanuit gaan en het goede in de mens zien. Prima.

Hij heeft ook gemeld dat we van een ander niveau waren. Daar zit de kink in de kabel. Die kan ik gewoon op geen enkele manier goed praten.

Ik heb mij oprecht hier een uurtje of twee rot over gevoeld. Iemand die mij afwees omdat ik volgens hem van een “lager niveau” was. Dat is nogal iets om te horen van een ander.

Uiteindelijk is het simpel;

Ik ben niet van een lager niveau omdat mijn bankrekening niet zo indrukwekkend is als die van jou. Ik ben van een hoger niveau omdat ik een mens niet beoordeel op zijn bankrekening.

“Geluk is niet afhankelijk van dingen buiten ons, maar van de manier waarop wij die zien” Tolstoj

Ik wil graag dat een man iemand in zijn waarde laat. Iemand die begrijpt dat geld een middel is tot tijdelijk geluk maar niet tot het ware geluk.

Daarnaast ben ik nu nog duidelijker naar mannen dat ik geen ONS zoek. Dit gaan we niet nog een keer doen.

 

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