Een brief aan mijn tiener.

Lieve kleine Doerak,

Je bent vandaag tien jaar geworden. Gisteren melde je mij nog dat je al twee volle handen bent. Je bent nu “bijna volwassen” en “heel belangrijk”. Je begrijpt nog niet dat je voor mij altijd belangrijk bent en hoe groot je ook mag zijn in mijn optiek blijf je mijn kleine meisje.

 

De afgelopen jaren kropen op bepaalde momenten voorbij maar stiekem zijn de tien jaar omgevlogen.

Laatst kwam je te laat thuis, ruim een uur, omdat je met vriendinnen aan het babbelen was. Toen ik vroeg waarover vertelde je mij dat het “meisjes” zaken waren. Daarmee was de kous af. In jouw ogen ben ik stokoud en sta ik op de afgrond van de dood.

Je snapt nog niet dat met die zin een bepaalde fase aanbrak. Door die zin voelde ik mij enerzijds ook een meisje die buitengesloten word en aan de andere kant luidde dit het begin aan van een tijdperk waarin jij mij niet alles meer verteld. Je wordt groot en ik ben oud.

Soms zou ik terug willen naar bepaalde momenten. Je geur als baby, opnieuw het enthousiasme voelen bij je eerste woordje, de overwinning van je eerste stappen zetten. Het is weg. Ik kan niet meer herinneren hoe het voelde, hoe je rook, hoe klein je was. We zijn tien jaar verder. Het maakt mij soms emotioneel als ik een kleine baby zie.

Het zorgt ervoor dat ik je iedere dag graag even knuffel en aan je ruik. Er komt namelijk een moment dat je dit niet zo leuk meer vind. Dan voel jij jezelf te groot en ik vrees dat moment enorm. Dus probeert mama nog even te genieten van deze momenten want heel lang kan dat het niet meer duren.
Samen even snoezelen voor het slapen gaan of in het weekend in bed samen uitslapen voordat je straks te oud bent.

Ik zou je soms klein willen houden maar je gaat zo snel. Ik ben trots op jou. Je hebt in die tien jaar al zoveel hordes overwonnen, meer dan zou moeten. Maar je slaat jezelf er dapper doorheen.

Je laat iedereen zien wat je kunt bereiken. Je bent een gevoelig meisje die emoties van anderen snel oppakt en hierop reageert. Niet altijd adequaat, want emoties zijn ingewikkeld maar wel altijd met je hart op de juiste plek. Houd dit zo.

Zie altijd het mooie in de mens, probeer altijd te helpen waar je kunt. Dit is een prachtige eigenschap.

Je bent tien maar je geeft nu al speelgoed weg aan kindjes die het beter kunnen gebruiken, geeft zakgeld weg waar je voor gewerkt hebt omdat kindjes niets hebben. Je bent niet altijd een mensen mens en sluit jezelf soms af maar van elk moment leer je weer iets bij. Je leert omgaan met je emoties en komt soms heel wijs uit de hoek.

“Ik zet de tv even op pauze want anders versta ik niet wat je zegt en dan volg ik het niet. Hierdoor kan ik geagiteerd reageren” Iedere keer met zo’n wijze opmerking maak je mij weer iets trotser. Je bent fantastisch.

Je bent de grootste dierenvriend die ik ooit heb gezien. Je bestudeerd de Freek iedere week en komt met de gekste dierenfeitjes aan zetten. Je probeert ieder dier te verzorgen die je tegenkomt. Het maakt niet uit of het een slak is met een kapot huisje of een hond die een brokje krijgt omdat zijn poot in het verband zit. Je kunt een half uur op de grond zitten met uitgestoken hand tot een timide kat even komt ruiken zodat je hem kunt aaien. Het zou mij niets verbazen als jij straks ooit een eigen dierentuin hebt.

Ja, ik weet misschien niet meer hoe bepaalde momenten voelen na tien jaar maar er komen nog zoveel meer “eerste” momenten in jouw leven. We gaan ze allemaal af en ik beloof je dat ik er altijd zal proberen te zijn. Ik zal achter je staan en je steunen als jij mij nodig hebt. Ik zal altijd voor je vechten.

Ik hou van je doerak, je bent nu een tiener. Op naar de puberteit.

Gefeliciteerd Draak. 

Liefs mam.

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